


a blanket scenario

by peonydee



Category: Kamen Rider OOO
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5644987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peonydee/pseuds/peonydee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>wherein Eiji and Ankh find themselves in what looks suspiciously like the set up for a blanket scenario fanfic</p>
            </blockquote>





	a blanket scenario

“You!” Ankh roared. “Leash that animal of yours before I rip her to shreds!”

Eiji sighed. Ordinarily, he would chide the demon for his exaggerated threats, but being that they were both locked in a barren shed, save for a tattered piece of blanket, in the middle of winter, he didn’t feel particularly inclined to defend the young woman in question.

“Come on, Ankh,” he said. “If we don’t try to preserve body heat, we’ll both die from hypothermia.”

The other man rolled his kohl-lined eyes at Eiji’s direction and followed with his trademark sneer. “I am Ankh. I do not die.”

And there’s the rub, Eiji thought.

* * *

 

He was reasonable enough to admit that he wouldn’t have gotten himself into this situation had he only kept to his own business. He also knew himself enough, however, to accept that no force on earth would have kept him from intervening. After all, he was the one that transported a cursed artifact to Japan. He didn’t know at the time; he was doing a favor for Kougami-san, a family friend who had always been odd, granted, but never in the particularly demon-summoning flavor.

Izumi Shingo had been the customs officer who interviewed Eiji about the apparently extremely valuable deathmask smuggled from a little known West Asian civilization dig site. When his little sister came rushing in to announce her selection in an Orlando-based costume design workshop, her anomalously strong hands crushed the death mask, unleashing the fire elemental spirit trapped within. The fire elemental spirit (whom everyone qualified as “demon” for short) called Ankh had cleaved himself upon Izumi Shingo’s soul and wrested control of his body. None of them were entirely sure if Shingo remained aware of his situation, but he was still in there, as far as they knew, having surfaced briefly during one exorcism attempt

At any rate, regret was a luxury Eiji didn’t have. He was determined to find a way to expel the demon, all while surviving the odd behavior of Izumi Hina herself and keeping her safe from the demon. He tried another tactic.

“Have you ever possessed anybody dying?” he asked in a mollifying tone.

“Hn. Am I an amateur?”

“I’m sure you’d have left the customs officer’s body, if you could.”

Ankh bristled further at this observation and chose to answer by sitting himself in the corner farthest from Eiji. Which wasn’t very far, but still afforded a lot of space for the frigid air to convect the heat from their bodies from all directions.

“Don’t make me do this, Ankh,” Eiji added quietly.

“Are you threatening me?” the demon erupted. “Are you threatening my body!”

“But it isn’t your body. And if I have to sit on you to get you under this blanket, I will do exactly that.”

“You are playing straight into her hands!”

Eiji sighed yet again, noting the shiver that followed it. The demon, having questionable tastes in fashion, was usually dressed in blazing red jeans and a matching jacket. Both articles of clothing had been divested during the unknown of span of time they were both knocked out, as were both their shoes and socks. With his blond braids and spindly legs, Ankh looked like an ibis. A freezing one.

“Eiji!” the demon snarled as the wanderer got up and sat beside him. “How dare you--”

“I promised to protect Shingo’s body,” Eiji interrupted. “That’s all there is to it. You’re the demon possessing him who conveniently doesn’t know how to un-possess him.”

“You dare imply--”

“I’m not worried about you. Should I be?”

“Don’t pretend to not know what that helion woman expects from this situation! How many times do you plan on ‘indulging’ her idiotic whims at my expense. My expense!”

“Hm.” Eiji noted the further narrowing of Ankh’s eyes at that sound. After a moment, he continued, “Still, if we give her what she wants, she’ll let us go.”

Ankh lunged, grabbing for the other man’s shirt to pull him close to his face. “Try me.”

Eiji met his stare without breaking equanimity. "I've seen how you look at me," he said.

"I don't trust you," the demon snarled. "I look away and I know you won't hesitate to stab my back, if she tells you."

"Even if she doesn't tell me and it's warranted by the situation, I would."

Eiji could feel the custom officer's body vibrate with ire. It was a slim and compact body that was deceptively delicate looking. Either Shingo-san himself strength-trained regularly or the demon ruthlessly pushed its bounds when needed. Strength after all was dictated by the mind.

"I got her in this mess, remember?"

The demon's nostrils flared, the muscles of his jaw started twitching in a telltale tic, but the darkening of his eyes, the widening of his unreadable, inescapable eyes told a different story.

"I owe it to her, Ankh."

"EIJI!"

Eiji hurled himself backwards, letting his weight break the demon's hold. Ankh's grip didn't weaken, but the batik fabric of his shirt was unable to bear the sudden force and ripped in two places, exposing a good bit of his left chest and collarbone. Ankh's other hand, in the confusion, managed to catch someone else, as did both of Eiji's.

"You tricked me!" exclaimed Hina indignantly as she struggled from the two mens’ grips. "Mou! How dare you two--!"

"Now, now, Hina-chan!"

"TO SHREDS! I WILL RIP HER TO SHREDS."

Eiji knew Hina had to be watching them from somewhere hidden. There was nowhere to hide inside the shed, empty but for a couple of sacks of loam and some gardening tools, so she had to be outside with easy access to them. A trap door from above, perhaps, he considered at the time, or a second door they just didn’t notice in the general disrepair of the shed. Hina made things simple by boldly sneaking up to them from her hiding place, a loose panel on a wall, just as Eiji felt Ankh’s anger boil over to something closer to panic from his very close contact.

After Eiji managed to persuade Hina not to throw her brother's body---albeit demon-containing still her brother's---across the room, he was still forced to make true his threat. After a protracted threeway wrestling match, Eiji managed to separate the siblings and force Ankh face down into the dirt floor. To keep the demon from reaching for Hina, Eiji sat on Ankh’s lower back, pushed a hand between his shoulder blades and another to the back of his knees. Prudently, he shifted his weight between either point in response to the demon’s experimental bucking. What with his shirt in tatters, Eiji felt quite exposed indeed, but he couldn’t risk releasing Ankh long enough to fix himself.

"Hina-chan," Eiji said with a sigh. "What were you thinking?"

"I saw a meme online," Hina said. She was sitting on her haunches in front of the Eiji, arms crossed across her chest, as if she had been the recipient, not the perpetrator, of this bewildering prank.

"A what 'mim?' What's that?"

Beneath him, Ankh squirmed and snorted. "Don't you know anything?"

Eiji patted the demon’s shoulder, as if calming a restive pet. "Please continue, Hina-chan. I promise not to get mad."

"incubus/celibate monk shares a blanket scenario AU. Was the prompt," Hina admitted, still making no sense to Eiji. "I wanted to take pictures and I didn't think you'd cooperate."

"TO SHREDS, I SAID. I WILL FEED HER REMAINS TO CARRION BEASTS. I WILL REND--"

"Shut up, incubus who can’t make fires," Eiji said, secretly unsure if he should be offended at being automatically shoehorned in the celibate monk role just because the other party was a true certifiable demon. "Let me get this straight. You wanted us to be half naked together under this blanket, playing incubus and monk? And Hina-chan, what if your brother gets sick because of all this?"

"Of course not," Hina said.

In spite of himself, Eiji felt a little tug at his chest, seeing Hina pout at them in such an offended manner. Ankh was obviously not impressed.

"I AM AN ELEMENTAL SPIRIT THAT PREDATES THE TINIEST DUST IN YOUR BONES. HOW DARE YOU--"

"She already said she didn’t intend for us to be forced to be intimate under the blanket half-naked. Calm down, Ankh. Your assumption is wrong and way off color."

"Well,” Hina said when Ankh paused his diatribe to gulp air. “I wanted you two to be completely naked at first, but then it became too embarrassing, undressing my brother. And-and I couldn’t even start with Eiji-kun...”

“.....”

“All though, I suppose it'll be cute too if you're just wearing your underwear for tomorrow. Or if you accidentally tear up Ankh's in excitement and then give him a new one after. Ahh! I didn't really think it would work, but I'm so disappointed anyway."

Eiji felt faint. Hina looked so innocent and earnest. Her interests seemed to revolve primarily around her designing of clothes. How on earth...

"And please, Eiji-kun.” Hina waved her phone at him as if dismissing fruit flies from a basket of bananas. “Oniichan wouldn't mind. You're totally his type! I mean, why did you think I was in such a hurry to get to his office that day?”

Eiji suspected he was gaping at her in the most unflattering manner.

She laughed deliciously, now grinning from ear to ear. “He said he was talking to this cute, seemingly clueless sort of guy. And actually come to think of it, I love the twist you did there. Instead of the incubus doing the seduction, the monk unexpectedly initiated! I knew I could count on you two to try to act out of it, at least. Oh my, but I have to post these before midnight! Kyaa!”

Shingo-san thought him cute. Trapped in this statement and all that it implied, Eiji could barely react as Hina scrambled to her feet and rushed out of the shed, already examining the pictures she had apparently taken with her phone.

“Come into the house quickly and change your shirt, Eiji-kun, before you catch a cold,” she called back to them when she noticed neither of the men have moved. “You, too, useless fire demon! Can’t even emit heat from oniichan’s body… Please! There are many ways to skin a cat."

“IF YOUR OBTUSE, CONTRARY BROTHER WOULD ONLY LET ME, I WOULD HAVE BURNED THIS CITY LONG AGO AND BE DONE WITH YOU LOT! SODOM AND GOMORRAH WILL BE NOTHING TO THE DESTRUCTION I SHALL UNLEASH GET OFF EIJI--”

Yes, Eiji thought, dazedly rolling off the fire demon’s/the customs officer’s prone body. He really should learn to mind his own business.

061515

**Author's Note:**

> written for prompt: Hina/Ankh/Eiji: that one AU where one of them is a thirsty fujoshi from Shindan that mellon let me adopt. Besides sharing prompts, she also greatly helped me clear up the blocking, and placement, and physicality of things---aka, making things so much clearer and so much more suggestive. Apologies for the capslock abuse


End file.
